


Hold on I still love you

by the_writers_block15



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Angelic Grace Bonds (Supernatural), Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Boys In Love, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Fix-It, Fluff, Gabriel Joins Team Free Will (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Idiots in Love, Jealous Castiel (Supernatural), Jealous Dean Winchester, Jealous Gabriel (Supernatural), Jealous Sam Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), except they break up, fuck 15x20, fuck the finale, product of me writing at three AM, the finale was a dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_writers_block15/pseuds/the_writers_block15
Summary: This fic was inspired by the song hold on. It takes place during the finale diverges from there.Dean died on a piece of rebar and finds himself in heaven with his son. Jack is willing to bend his rules to save Dean and sends Castiel back. Jack now, works on a plan to keep the Winchesters dying like this again. His plan uncovers some hidden feelings and tragic secrets of the past. How will TFW 3.0 overcome these chalanges?When I started writing this I thought it would be a 2 or 3 shot max, but it kind of took a turn on its own. I am having a blast writing this. Can't promise that updates will follow any schedule but I will complete this story.
Relationships: Castiel & Gabriel (Supernatural), Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel & Jack Kline & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel & Jack Kline, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

Dean appeared in the middle of nowhere. He knew exactly what had happened and was ready to start the next phase of his life... or rather death. Sam would be fine, he was meant to survive.

The first thing Dean wanted to do was find Jack and beg him to bring Cas back. He had prayed more than a nun to Jack when he was on Earth. Now that he was here, Dean planned on bugging Jack until Jack gave in. If Castiel could annoy a cosmic being to let him out of the Empty the first time, well Dean had the power to be a lot more irritating than Cas. He had all the time in the world. This was partly the reason he asked Sam to let him go.

There was also another reason but he would never admit that. Dean never got a chance to respond to Castiel. He couldn't even say goodbye. He wanted to have that with Sam. Just a moment before things ended where he could express his brotherly affection and Sam could too.

The thought of dying without telling the people he cared about that he cared about them bothered Dean a lot more after Cas. He also knew that Sam needed closure. Dean would   
never wish the regret of not getting the final goodbye on anyone, especially his little brother.

Taking a deep breath, he wished to see Jack. Within a nonexistent heartbeat, Dean was transported outside God's office. He walked in to see Jack giving orders to angels for fixing heaven and redesigning hell. Apparently, Jack has watched The Good Place and he wanted to see if he can change the souls down in hell. Kids are such optimists. As the door creaked open, Jack snapped his head up.

"Dean? What are you doing here?" he asked. When Jack said he was going to keep his nose out of the human world, he meant it. Jack had blocked all prayers and refused to get information from Earth, kind of like Hydrogen from The Good Place.

"Well, I died, thought I should catch up with you and found myself here."

"You- you died?"

"Yes, and as much as I want to tell you about it, I need to talk to you about Cas. Please Jack."

"No, you shouldn't have died. Not now." Jack turned to his angel assistant. "How did this happen?"

"You said that Dean needs to get impaled to..."

"I said he needs to get NAILED."

"Right nailed. Like his insides go into a nail." The angel responded stupidly.

"I said get nailed. By Cas. Plus I was joking! You know I have a no interference rule," Jack was frustrated with the mess up.

"What are you talking ab..." Dean's question was cut short as Jack froze him. He turned to his assistant and said, "Get me my archangel, now."

The angel popped out of the room and Jack took a few seconds to reconsider his hasty plan. He promised to not intervene on Earth but all rules had exceptions. If he could make an exception for Castiel, he should make one for Dean as well.

"Hello, Jack, you asked for me?" Castiel appeared out of nowhere. He gasped at the sight of Dean. Ever since he had come back as an archangel, he had avoided watching Dean. It would be too painful to see him out with girls. What Castiel didn't know was that Dean had spent every minute grieving him.

"I know that you have made it clear you would like to stay in heaven but you need to go back down there. You have to look after them. Please." Jack pleaded.

"But I-" and everything turned black.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean jerked awake and Sam immediately dropped his book to get Dean some water. Dean took a sip and saw that his younger brother had been crying.

"I'm fine, Sammy, it's not like I died." 

"Actually, you did die. You died and saw Jack. He decided to send you back here and rewind the timeline. He sent Cas back to heal you. We, then, got you to the bunker." Sam nearly yelled. 

"Cas? Is he here? Please tell me where he is. I have to see him." Dean said, the urgency rising in his voice. 

"He's in the library but don't get up. I'll tell him you are looking for... oh and he is out of the room, jerk."

"Bitch." Sam heard Dean say. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean found Castiel reading a random book. 

"Cas," Dean said softly, almost like he was praying to him in secret again. 

"Dean, I am so glad you are alright. I was worried about you." Castiel said, putting the book down. 

"Worried about me!?" Dean suddenly yelled. "Oh, he was worried about me. Fan-fucking-tastic Cas. And what about how terrified I got when I saw The Empty take you? Do you have a fucking clue how I felt when you were gone? It was like I was dying everyday and was sent to hell everyday. You left! You fucking left without letting me say goodbye, without letting me say..." Dean trailed off.

Castiel had no response for the outburst. Instead, he stood up and did what he does best: offer practical advice. "Dean, you should rest. You aren't completely healed yet."

"Did you mean what you said?" Dean demanded.

"Yes, Dean. You really are not fully healed yet."

"God dammit Cas! Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"

"Dean, I meant that. I know you do not feel the same way which is why I let you have your space after Jack brought me back..."

Castiel didn't get to finish that thought as Dean marched over and kissed him. Dean poured his heart and soul into the kiss. He expressed the feelings he felt when Cas was taken by The Empty: pain, loss, regret. He expressed the feeling he felt when he saw Cas just about a couple minutes ago: relief, anger, joy. He expressed all the feeling in between: grief, hope, passion, love.

Love: that was what shined the most. 

It wasn't the most chaste kiss. Whenever Dean had pictured this moment, he was a lot calmer, sweeter. Castiel deserved tender, slow, soft not the anger and the pain. Yes, this wasn't the kiss he imagined but it was memorable. First kisses were meant to be memorable, not perfect. 

Dean was the first to pull back, as he was the only one who needed air. He looked at Castiel, who was as confused as ever. Dean wrapped his hands around Cas' back, pulling him into a tight hug.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." Dean repeated over and over again. He began sobbing into Cas' chest and held on to him as much as he could. Castiel gently wrapped his hands around Dean's waist, not exactly reciprocating the hug with enthusiasm. 

"Let's get you back to bed, Dean." Castiel said, gently. 

"No," Dean pulled back. His locked eyes with Castiel. His green eyes filled with tears. "I love you." he said. This time, it wasn't a desperate whimper or a painful prayer. It was a conviction. A declaration. He willed Castiel into believing it. Dean saw something flicker in Castiel's eyes, hope. 

"I love you." Dean said again, just as confidently as the last time. He watched Castiel carefully as Cas put the pieces together. He could pinpoint the exact moment realization hit Castiel because Cas let out a shaky breath and the water level in his sapphire blue eyes. Dean didn't give Cas a chance to respond as he leaned in to kiss him. This time, Castiel   
reciprocated with the same intensity.

"I love you, Dean." Cas whispered with his lips hovering above Dean's. 

"Please don't leave. It hurts so bad when you leave." Dean said, his voice cracking.

"Never again. I'm staying right here with you." Castiel promised.

Dean took Cas's hand and led him to his room. He got Castiel to lie down beside him and they took their time getting reacquainted. Right now, all they needed was each other's company. They needed to see each other, exchange small touches and kisses. They needed to hear each other's voice and take in each other's scent. At this moment, they just needed to reassure themselves of each other's presence. 

Castiel and Dean were here together and they were happy. Nothing else mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of Dean's confession?   
> I wrote out several different versions but I think the mix of anger and softness in this works best.


	3. Chapter 3

After Dean fell asleep, Castiel went back to heaven. He needed to sort out all of his affairs before he could officially go back to Earth with Dean. Jack hadn't really given him much notice when he snapped them into the barn. Castiel knocked on Jack's door to say his final goodbye. It would be tough but knew his son could handle it.

"Come in," Jack said. Castiel opened the door to see Jack sitting on the bed, thinking. It was hard to believe that this was God and not the same lost Jack he had taken care of all this time. After arriving at heaven, Jack remade the bunker there. It was the only place he knew to be home and wanted that in heaven. Jack didn't need to eat or sleep, he just kept the bed and beer for the sentimental value.

"What are you thinking about?" Castiel asked, his paternal instincts taking over.

"Castiel. What are you doing back so soon? I thought you and Dean would need some time to yourselves." Jack asked.

"He fell asleep and I came back for a goodbye. I know I can't convince you to come back and you don't really need me here either. I need to go back." Castiel saw the grim look on Jack's face and misread it. "Maybe I should stay. We can wait a few more decades. We still have a lot of work in heaven and I..."

"Castiel." Jack interrupted. "You should go. You and Dean have spent your entire lives sacrificing love for the world. If any one deserves happiness, it's the two of you. Although..."

"What? What is it?"

"Can I please ask that you stay a week? I have been considering and well... reconsidering a few things. I would love your advice and assistance on them. I feel terrible asking you to..."

"It's not a problem, Jack. You are still my son and my love and responsibility towards you doesn't go away because I am now with Dean. Let me just inform him. I know he will get worried if he finds me missing again."

"Alright, Castiel. Thank you so much. What if the two of you spend the day together and you come back up tomorrow night? I will have a much better idea of the assistance I require then."

Castiel simply nodded. He turned around and walked out.

________________________________________________________

He flew to Dean's room and found him squirming in bed. Nightmares were not uncommon for Dean. Castiel had always used his grace to help. It pained him to see Dean like this but he knew it was a part of the human experience.

"Cas. I need to find Cas." Dean said.

"Shhh... Dean I am right here." Castiel soothed, running his fingers through Dean's hair.

"Heya Sammy," Dean said right before he jolted awake.

"Dean, are you alright?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, no I just had a weird ass dream."

"Would you like to talk about it?" Castiel fully expected Dean to say no. Talking about his feelings wasn't a strength of Dean's."

"Yes, I would like that a lot." Dean adjusted himself so he was sitting up against the headboard. He moved over, gesturing for Cas to sit beside him. Dean took a deep breath and   
reached for Castiel's hand.

"I... Well I had a dream that I died and instead of seeing Jack, I saw Bobby. He told me you are alive and I got in Baby to find you. I drove around and I prayed but you wouldn't come to me. I also saw Sammy grow old. He named his son after me, kept the Impala on Earth and got married to some chick I didn't know. He still missed me. He had this dumb haircut that looked like a party city wig for 7 year olds who want to dress up like the scientist from Back to the Future. No matter how old he got, he never got over me dying. I, on the other hand, just kept driving to see you. I finally got sick of it and parked my car on this bridge. Sammy appeared and I was glad to see him but then I realized 50 years had passed and I still didn't see you. I don't think anyone should feel that type of longing in heaven." Dean finished.

"Dean, I'm here. You found me and it hasn't even been a couple of months since I died. I love you so much and I will be here as long as you want me to be. Of course Sam wouldn't be okay if you died on a hunt. It would hurt him just as much as it would hurt you if roles were reversed. Thank Jack he saved you because otherwise, that would have been Sam's future. I told you before, Dean, you deserve to be loved. Not just by me, by your brother and son and well." Castiel responded.

"Cas, I love you. I can't lose you again. Every time you promise me you won't leave, something rips us apart. Each time we are separated is worse than the last." Cas took Dean's hand and stoked the area between his thumb and index finger, assuring Dean that he was still here. Dean put put his head on Castiel's shoulder and tried to adjust for a couple of minutes. "Can you take the trench coat off, it feels weird?"

Castiel complied and put the trench coat on the bed side table.

"Much better." Dean sighed as he snuggled up against Cas, throwing his arm around the angel's waist.

Seeing Dean like this made him happy. It also worried him because Dean would have a hard time letting Castiel go up to heaven for a week.


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel had fallen asleep as well. He didn't need to, but he felt strangely content and at peace. He woke up to find that he was actually well rested. He was spooning Dean who, for once in his life, had a peaceful look on his face. Castiel wanted to move but his arm was trapped under Dean's body. He just laid there, waiting for his human to wake up. He took this time to observe Dean. Castiel had already memorized each of Dean's freckles, eyelashes, nails and every other part of Dean's body when he gripped Dean tight and raised him from Perdition. He was the one that rebuilt Dean atom by atom.

This was different, though. Now Castiel was seeing Dean as a lover, not as Michael's vessel. He saw a new beauty in Dean's humanity. He saw the slight imperfections that made Dean human, that made Castiel love him. The one thing Castiel noticed that wasn’t there before were the dark rings around Dean's eyes. He was sleeping peacefully now, in the arms of his angel, but he had barely gotten any sleep since Castiel had, well, left.

Dean really let his guard down. He was not on alert mode and that was because of Castiel. That was because, for the first time since his mother died all those years ago, Dean felt safe and protected. He knew his angel would have his back. Dean could finally let go of the anxiety and uncertainty that came with being a hunter. This would surely take a while but it seemed that Dean was off to a good start.

Dean inched closer to Castiel and Cas heard his stomach rumble. It just hit him that Dean didn't have dinner last night. Castiel gently shook Dean.

"Dean, you need to wake up and eat some breakfast. You are still weak from the accident."

Dean turned around to face Castiel. "Five more minutes, angel" he grumbled groggily. Dean snuggled closer to Cas, burying his nose in Castiel's neck.

Castiel sighed but decided to relish these moments. He still dreaded telling Dean that he was leaving for a week. After about half an hour, he finally got Dean to wake up and get dressed.

They went over to the dining room as Dean made some breakfast and Castiel assisted.

"I trust you slept well." Castiel said.

"Yeah, after that dream, I slept like a baby. I haven't slept like that since Mom..." he trailed off.

"Would you like to know how she is doing?"

"You met her?"

"Yeah, I took Jack. He needed to apologize to her and he couldn't face her alone. She is the first person he redesigned heaven for."

An uncertain silence hung over them. Dean had forgiven Castiel but there was still some tension with Jack. It was still a sore subject.

"How is she?" Dean asked, in a stained voice.

"She is doing wonderfully well. She is happy, reunited with her family and she is watching you and Sam. She wanted me to let you know that she loves and misses you both. I told   
her that I wouldn't be seeing you anytime soon and she just laughed. But I do want to tell you, your father isn't there. Your mom is with a version of him that is meant for heaven   
but your father is in hell."

"What? Why?"

"Dean, he abused you and Sam for your entire childhood, neglected you and made some pretty poor choices. It's difficult for God to allow homophobic people in heaven if God's   
three dads are not straight."

Dean nodded but then did a double take. "Wait, three?"

"Oops I should not have said that."

"No, it's fine. I just want to know how you know."

"I can't tell you. That is Sam's story to tell."

They quieted down for a couple of minutes while Dean finished his breakfast.

"You know I forgave him, right? I was hurt but I wasn't mad at him. I love him too. It's just... she's my mom."

"I know, Dean but it isn't me you should be saying this to. Jack still bears the guilt of killing her. He is the one who needs to know you forgive him." Castiel said.

"Why didn't he just bring her back?"

"She didn't want to come back. Before Jack instilled his no interference policy, Jack wanted to make everything right. He created a special heaven for creatures like Garth, got Keven   
Tran to heaven, got me and Gabriel back from the empty and asked your mom if she wanted to come back. She said no. She didn't see a point in going back only to die again. She said it would be better if this was the end for her."

"I really fucked up with Jack, didn't I?" Dean asked in a resigned voice.

"We all did at one point or another. You also made him feel human."

Just then, Sam entered the room. "Hey Dean, how are you feeling?"

"I'm on cloud 9 today. Also I need to tell you something."

"Ummm okay?"

"Cas and I are together." Dean said. His heart was racing. He knew Sam was less judgmental about this stuff than most other hunters but his brother's approval meant the world to   
him.

"About time! I have seen you tap dance around each other for 11 freaking years."

Dean beamed and hugged Sam. After that, Sam went to give Castiel a hug.

"Guess I'm family now." Castiel said.

"Cas, you always were." Sam responded.

Dean was overjoyed seeing their interaction.

"So, what are you guys planning on doing today?" Sam asked.

"Oh, I think Dean still needs to rest so we'll probably just hang out here."

"We could watch a movie in the Dean Cave! Ms. Butters restored the TV."

"Okay, I'm going to head out to see Eileen." Sam said, promptly walking out. If he didn't leave then, he would be roped into being an awkward 3rd wheel on his brother's horror   
movie date.

"You never did tell me about this Ms. Butters." Castiel questioned.

"Jealous?" Dean teased.

"No." Cas responded a bit too quickly. He felt his cheeks heat up.

"Wait, you really are jealous." Dean relished this moment.

"Okay so would you not be jealous if I talked about seeing Meg in the empty?"

"You saw who in the what now?"

"We are getting off track. Ms. Butters?"

"Oh yeah, she is a wood nymph the men of letters brought to basically be their moms. She wanted me and Sammy to kill Jack."

"She WHAT?"

"Relax Cas! We, obviously, didn't go through with it. Jack was in these handcuffs and we were trapped in the basement. I used the angel blade on the handcuffs and Jack flew into the door opening it. We finally were able to talk her out of it." Dean was practically laughing at the fond memory.

The glare Castiel threw him shut him up fast. "I'm sorry, you used the angel blade on Jack?! He flew into the door so hard he broke it?!" he repeated in frustration and disbelief.  
"Cas, God couldn't kill him. I was sure he would be able to take on a door."

Castiel just sighed in response.

"Now, what's this about you seeing Meg?" Dean asked.

"Oh, nothing much, we just found that engaging in sexual activities makes it less painful to relive our most painful moments." Castiel said, feigning nonchalance.

Dean choked on his own saliva and broke into fits of coughs. Castiel soothed him by running his hands up and down his back. 

When Dean stopped coughing, he looked up to see Castiel with an amused smile. 

"You think you are soooo funny?" Dean asked. Castiel opened his mouth to respond but whatever he was going to say was cut short as Dean placed a toe curling, head spinning   
kiss on his lips. 

"I hated leaving you with her. I wanted to be the one to take care of you when we left you in that mental hospital. When we were at Bobby's and she told me that you would pick her   
over us because she took care of you, I wanted to ice her. I hated the fact that I left you alone. In that mental hospital and in the empty."

"First of all, we never had sex. Not even close. The empty was a difficult time and we just became friends. Secondly, you did help me in that mental hospital. Any time my   
breakdown got bad, she would make me think of you, talk about you. I told her the story about how I rebuilt your body so much, she had it memorized. Lastly, I picked you and 

Sam over Heaven, which was my home for eternity. Do you really think I would pick her over you?"

Hearing that brought back a sense of comfort to Dean but he still couldn't help feel guilty for leaving Cas there, all alone.

They spent the rest of the day snuggled in the Dean Cave. They talked, watched movies, made out every now and then. It was the perfect date. Neither of them wanted to leave the   
bunker. They were afraid that the outside world would ruin it, like it had so many times before. Finally, it was bedtime.

"Hey Dean, I need to tell you something." Castiel started.

"Yeah Cas, tell me once you are in bed. Get your feathery ass in here." Dean smirked.

"Well, I can't. I'm going to heaven."

"You... What? You just got here!" Dean exclaimed.

"I'll only be gone for a week. I went up their last night to say goodbye and Jack needs me so I have to go back. I will come home soon. I promise."

"Is he okay?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. He seemed distraught when I saw him yesterday. I think he was concerned for you and Sam. Your death really freaked him out."

"Oh. Anything we can do to help?"

"Umm. I know this is hard but can you avoid hunting for the week? I am pretty sure Jack's been keeping and eye on us and I don't want him to get so rattled again."

"Alright, I'll tell Sam. Under one condition."

"What is it Dean?" Cas asked, tired of his boyfriend's immaturity.

"Give me your trench coat." Dean stated simply.

"What?" Castiel was confused by this odd request.

"Yeah, give me your trench coat. If I have to go a week without you, I'm keeping something that smells like you around."

"Alright, does this mean I get one of your leather jackets?"

"Do you want one of my leather jackets?"

"Yes, please, I would also like something to remember you by." Castiel said.

They exchanged the articles of clothing along with 'I love you's'. Dean pulled Castiel close and gave him a sweet goodbye kiss. Correction, Dean thought, this wasn't a goodbye,   
this was a see you later.

Castiel flew away with a blink of an eye. Dean got on his bed and draped the trench coat around him like a blanket. He drifted off to a sleep full of nightmares. This time, he only   
had Castiel's scent to sooth him.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel reached Jack's office door and knocked. He felt strangely warm in the leather jacket but shook it off. Cas heard a faint, "Come in." before he pushed the door open to see Jack and Gabriel looked like they were trying to prove some conspiracy theory on a white board.

"What's all of this?" Castiel gestured to the mess all around him. There were at least 300 whiteboards in the office, all of them filled.

"We are trying to come up with a new plan for Sam and Dean." Gabriel responded. He looked up to see Castiel in the leather jacket.

"Woah! It seems like you and Dean are rubbing off on each other in more ways than one." Gabriel winked.

"Gabriel, please, we are doing no such thing. Anyways, do you really have to be so crude around Jack? He is only 3." Castiel said sternly.

"Dude, he's God. I'm pretty sure he knows how sex works." Gabriel said.

"It's true. Dean had the talk with me after I thought I was going to have sex. It turned out that the girl had only wanted me so she could feed me to her zombie boyfriend. We were driving back from the case when he told me all about how to get girls to sleep with you." Jack interjected.

"Dean WHAT?" Castiel said for the second time that day.

"Yeah, he even..." Jack started, oblivious to his father's growing anger.

"Okay... Let's get back on track." Gabriel interjected, reading the room correctly for once.

"Yes, alright, what do you have so far?" Castiel asked.

"Well, I was thinking about giving Dean and Sam some powers so they are not at a disadvantage when they are fighting monsters. It would be like your grace where they can heal themselves and fly to places to get in and out quicker. They would still age and live like humans.   
Sort of half angelic." Jack said.

"That got me thinking about gathering a few hunters and giving them these powers. If they misuse them, or want to quit hunting, we can take the powers back." Gabriel concluded.

"Right, but that's for the long term. Right now, let's see how to help Dean and Sam. If we see it working well for them, we can give the ability to other hunters like Jody and the girls." Jack said.

"Wait. I am still on the part where you want to make Sam and Dean angels." Castiel said, catching up.

"Not angels, just humans with grace." Jack clarified.

"Alright, well that seems simple enough. Why not just do it?" Castiel asked.

"Because it's not that simple. The universe must be in a natural balance. Everytime humanity bonds with grace, grace bonds with humanity. They are opposites and need to be dealt with very carefully." Jack explained.

"Well, what if you make them angels? That way, they create their own grace. They won't have humanity to deal with at all." Gabriel asked.

"Can't do that either. Angels don't have feelings and emotions the way humans do. The reason you and Castiel do is because you spent a lot of time on Earth. To make them fully angels, I would have to take away their humanity, which is a huge part of their soul. They won't care about people enough to go on hunts. They will simply just be vessels for 2 angels. They will lose their essence." Jack said.

"Plus, if they die as angels, they would have to go to the Empty. If Dean and Sam still have their humanity, we could argue that they belong in heaven." Castiel added.

There was a brief pause. The three beings were lost in thought over how to help the two hunters.

"What if we go down there?" Gabriel suggested. "Sammoose is always great with research. Maybe he can find something."

"Yes, we should do that. It would be nice to see Sam and Dean again, under better circumstances." Jack responded.

"Before we go down there, there is something you should know, Gabriel. Sam is courting this hunter named Eileen. I know you care about him but I wanted to make sure you knew." Castiel said.

Jack laughed to himself at the word courting. It brought up fond memories of Dean and him on that hunt. Jack knew things would never go back to the way they were, especially with Dean that's why he said he would be hands off. He couldn't afford to hurt the Winchester Brothers anymore. Fortunately, since defeating Chuck, Jack had better control over his powers. He was confident that he could help his father figure this time around. He tuned out the rest of Castiel and Gabriel's conversation. Despite being God, Jack found himself growing nervous. Sure, he had just seen Dean a couple days back but that was different. Jack was now going to see Dean as his son, not God. That brought a lot of anxiety.

"Alright, let's head off." Gabriel said, breaking Jack from his thoughts.

Gabriel exited the door. Castiel put a hand on Jack's shoulder.

"It will be fine. They both forgave you a long time ago. They love you just as much as I do." Castiel reassured, sensing his worry. Jack took a deep breath and nodded slightly. The two of them headed off behind Gabriel.


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel, Gabriel and Jack reached the bunker just in time to see Sam and Eileen making out. Castiel threw a glance at his brother to make sure he was alright. Gabe did his best to pretend to not be bothered by this and Jack said, "Hi, I'm Jack." to introduce himself to Eileen. 

The couple jumped apart and Sam went over to give Jack a hug. 

"I'm so glad you are back. It's great to see you again!" Sam exclaimed. Jack reciprocated the hug.

Once they broke apart, Jack went to talk to Eileen and Sam went over to Castiel.

"Thank Jack you're back, Cas. Dean has been moping around in your trench coat all day. Please talk to him. I genuinely don’t know how he would have survived the week. He's in the Dean Cave." Sam said. 

Castiel gave a slight nod and went off to the Dean Cave.

Sam's eyes finally landed on Gabriel. He looked at the archangel and pulled him into a hug. 

"You're alive!" Sam exclaimed. 

"It's good to see you, kiddo." Gabriel said. His voice radiated the same mischievous energy it always had but his eyes were dimmer. Sam just chalked it up to the Empty. He knew it had taken Cas a while to readjust to life after constantly reliving his greatest regrets. Castiel was no stranger to self-loathing but because he had experienced it in life, he was able to bounce back faster. Gabriel, on the other hand, was so cocky and arrogant. Being hit with so much regret must have shattered him. 

Castiel walked into the Dean cave to find Dean wrapped up in the trench coat. 

"Stupid angel has to leave for stupid heaven right after he got back. Can't we ever catch a break?" Dean grumbled. 

"It's archangel, actually. I got promoted when I got out of the Empty." Castiel corrected. 

"Cas! You're back! Get your feather ass over here, you ass butt!" Dean exclaimed. 

Castiel smiled as he walked over to Dean. Dean pulled the angel... sorry, archangel, onto his lap and gave him a kiss. 

"What are you doing back so soon? It's only been a night. Is Jack okay?" Dean asked when his mind began to work again. 

"Well, we needed help. Jack's fine. He is actually figuring out how to keep you and your brother from dying." Castiel responded. He pulled his human into another kiss. 

"Everyone's in the library. We should get back." Castiel murmured between kisses.

"Everyone?" Dean asked.

"Sam, Eileen, Gabriel and Jack." 

"Jack's here? Let's go!" Dean stood up almost dropping Castiel to the floor. 

"Yeah, but can we exchange our coats again? I miss my trench coat."

Dean laughed pulling the trench coat off.

"Sure babe, as long as I have you, I don't need that."  
After trading back the leather jacket and trench coat, the two of them walked over to the library, hand in hand. 

Jack and Dean had their reunion. Cas and Sam watched as Dean wrapped Jack in an actual hug.

"We missed ya, kid." Dean said. Jack just knew that he was forgiven.

"Where's Eileen?" Castiel asked.

"She got an alert for a hunt so she left." Sam explained.

After the reunions, Jack explained what he planned on doing for the boys. 

"So we would be like Miley Cyrus and get the best of both world?" Dean joked.

Castiel tilted his head sideways as he did when Dean confused him. Dean let out a small laugh at the adorable gesture before deciding to take it as an invitation to kiss Castiel on the cheek. 

"Ummm... If you are referring to Hannah Montana, then yes." Jack answered. "You would get the best out of being an angel and human." 

Sam threw Jack a strange look. "I'm God. I can find out anything about everything in less than a second." Jack shrugged. 

"Wait, but I thought you had a no interference policy." Sam said.

"I did, but then Dean decided to pay me a visit and that kinda went out the window." Jack sighed. "Look Sam and Dean, heaven's great. But there is something about being on Earth that you can't find in heaven. There, you don't need anything. Here, you are bound by life, the need for purpose. I don't want that taken away from you just yet. I really want you to experience growing old, having families, homes. Seeing Dean that day haunted me. You both deserve so much better than that." 

"Well, I'm in." Dean said. 

"Yeah, me too. This way, we get to save more people without constantly putting ourselves at risk." Sam agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

After going over everything, the five men decided to take a break and get dinner. Dean treated Jack to a double cheeseburger and gave him the largest slice of apple pie. It was a shock to everyone there. Dean knew he would have to have a real conversation with Jack soon but for now, he settled on showing his love through actions instead. Gabriel decided to head out for the night. It had been a while since he had fun on Earth and he took the time to get reacquainted with his surroundings. This left Team Free Will 2.0 alone in the bunker.

It felt like the good old days again. Except this time, they weren't trying to kill God or vice versa.

"Jack, we really missed having you around. You should have come by more often." Sam said, as they say around the map table drinking beer.

"I know. I missed you too. But there was a lot going on: bringing Castiel back, redesigning heaven and hell, taking control as God. And, I was unsure if I was still welcome." Jack admitted.

"You are always welcome here." Dean promised. Jack gave a warm smile in response.

"In that case, I will come by more often."

"Well, don't expect to get the largest piece of the pie everytime." Dean responded. A moment of silence passed over them as they relished each other's company. No apocalypse, no demons or angels wanting to kill them, no useless fighting. Just family time. 

"Oh, Dean, I heard you had 'the talk' with Jack. Care to explain?" Castiel said.

"You gave Jack 'the talk'? Please tell me it went better than when you had it with me." Sam laughed.

"Yeah well he kept on grilling me with questions on the way back from that case with the love sick zombie. So I told him everything he needed to know about how to get a girl." Dean defended.

"Wait, so how did you have the talk with Sam?" Jack asked.

"I don't think this is an appropriate..." Castiel started, still trying to preserve a little bit of his son's innocence.

"He opened his biology textbook for the first time in his life, went to the male and female anatomy page and said, "when a man and woman wanna have a good time, he puts this in there." He also pointed to the parts." Sam laughed.

Dean hid his face in Castiel's shoulder while everyone else burst out laughing. 

"Okay, so completely changing the subject, Jack, I need to know this. Will the Empty ever take Cas again?" Dean asked.

The mood suddenly became somber. Castiel knew this was coming. Dean had lost him too many times to not be worried about him. He knew when Dean died, they could still be reunited in heaven. However, if Castiel was in the empty, seeing him again would be next to impossible.

"Theoretically, yes. If Castiel dies, he would go to the Empty again. However, there is no imminent threat to him so I don't see that happening anytime soon. I can always try to get him out again, though." Jack answered.

"That's not good enough. We can't just wait for a threat to show up and what if you can’t get him out? Jack, if you are figuring out a solution for us to live longer, you need to figure something out for Cas as well. I'm not letting him die like this again." Dean said bluntly.

"You are right. That is actually my next priority. I wanted to make an angel heaven where they can go if they die. It's a place where they can be happy."

"And you think Cas and I can be happy without each other?" Dean questioned.

Sam and Castiel were both at a loss of words. They wanted to stop Dean from this but they knew he was right. If Dean had fallen in love with a human, he could be with them in the afterlife forever. It really wouldn't be fair that Castiel and Dean had a threat of splitting apart. With that thought, an idea passed over Sam.

"Wait, I got it. Let me pray to Gabe and once he gets here, I can provide the solution to all of our problems." Sam said. Sam said a silent prayer to summon the archangel. Within less than a second, Gabriel pops up.

"Damn, that was quick." Dean laughed.

"Well, Sammoose and I do have a profound bond." Gabriel teased. Castiel blushed at that and Dean looked away.

"People! Listen. I know what we can do. Jack said that for every grace that latches on to humanity, there has to be humanity that latches on to grace. Well, what if Castiel takes on that humanity? If Castiel also has humanity in him, he can be with us in heaven when he dies!" Sam said.

"That could work although, there are some details we need to think through. Dean and Castiel will be fine but we need to find a suitable angel for Sam. Angels can only take on humanity if they have been exposed to humanity enough. If we just get a random angel, they won't be able to adjust to any having emotions and would likely die. Also, it can only be archangel because their grace will be powerful enough to maintain their celestial status. Otherwise, humanity will overpower grace and then we would end up with an angel turning human. Lastly, humanity and grace are the essence of souls. If a pair of humanity and grace is created together, that is literally a soul mate. This means whoever ends up with humanity paired with Sam's grace will be his soul mate." Jack finished. The room stayed as everyone processed everything Jack just said.

"This means that I can't be with Eileen." Sam said eventually.

"No, you can but she just can't be your soulmate. You can love a lot of people but one one of them is a soulmate." Jack said.

"Alright, but I can't say yes until I know the who this archangel will be." Sam said. Suddenly Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack all started talking over each other. They expressed their opinions on what should happen. Castiel and Jack insisted Dean at least start this procedure meanwhile Dean tried to convince Sam to go through with it and iron out the details later. Gabriel was unusually quiet. He just stood nearby, biting his lip.

"Alright, alright, alright." Gabriel said after a minute. "It has to be me."

"What!?" Dean and Sam exclaimed together.

"Well, let's look at our criteria shall we? 1. Archangel (check). 2. Has to be accustomed to humanity (check). 3. Ends up being your soulmate but you want to be with someone else. That's completely fine by me. I am not a one man angel and we both can continue doing our own thing once this is done. (So checkity check check!)" Gabriel explained.

"But I can't do this without Eileen going through it as well. I can't be practically immortal and watch her deal with this on her own." Sam argued.

"Jack has a whole plan about creating a hunters association with hybrids but we need to do it on the two of your first. That way, it's low risk." Castiel said.

"But I..." Sam tried to look for a reason to avoid being bonded to Gabriel but he couldn't really argue with this. He knew if he said no Dean wouldn't do it either. After Dean's latest not-so-near death experience, Sam wasn't willing to risk it.

"Fine." He agreed. "Let's get this over with."


	8. Chapter 8

Jack thought it would be best if they did this in heaven. Any accidents could be contained a lot more easily there than they could on Earth. The five of them arrived at Jack's remake of the bunker.

"Heaven could be anything you want it to be and this is what you choose?" Dean asked.

"It was the only home I knew. I mean I spent a lot of time away from here like when I was in the apocalypse world or when I ran away but nothing ever felt as safe as this place." Jack said. He got a pat of the shoulder from Dean and Sam.

"This might take me a few hours. I need to create the humanity-grace pair and make sure it's compatible with all four of your souls." Jack said.

"Since we have time can I go visit..." Dean trailed off.

"Yes, of course. I feel terrible that you even need to ask me to visit your own mother." Jack sighed.

"It's okay. We know you have done everything to make sure she is happier here than she was with us." Sam assured. With that, Sam and Dean left to find their mother. Jack sat down to focus and Gabriel and Castiel wandered off to the library.

"Gabriel, are you sure you want to do this?" Castiel asked.

"Of course. It's a win win and it's not like we have many other options available." Gabriel replied.

"I know you care about Sam more than you let on. You can barely look at him right now. How will you see him with Eileen knowing he is bonded to you?"

"Easy, nothing a trip to a nude beach can't fix."

Castiel felt Gabriel's defences going up. He knew that wasn't a good sign.

"Gabriel, please I am trying to have a genuine conversation. I know how you felt. I have seen Dean hit on every woman with a pulse. I have even seen him flirt with a cartoon character. Trust me when I say I know how much that hurts."

Gabriel sighed. He knew his brother was just trying to help but this wasn't a conversation he was ready for.

"You know I have done a lot of bad things." Gabriel began. Castiel nodded in response. "Well, when I was in the empty, all I could think about was hurting Sam. Nothing else I did even popped into my mind. It was always the look of pain on his face when I killed Dean over and over again. That look still haunts me."

"I know exactly what you mean. I kept on seeing how I betrayed Dean. But you have to trust that they forgave us. That's why they are letting us back into their lives."

"Yeah Castiel, that's easy for you to say when Dean practically has his tongue down your throat. We walked in on Sam and Eileen playing tonsils hockey. That really doesn't sound like he cares about me at all."

"Just because he isn't romantically interested in you doesn't mean he doesn't care."

"I know that. I just think it would be best if we go out separate ways after this. Maybe some space will help. Either way, I know I have to go through this. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's the three of you. I won't compromise that by being selfish again." 

"Thank you, Gabriel. I don't know what I can say. Just know that if you need to talk, you have a brother who does care about you and appreciates you."  
The two brothers sat in silence and waited for Jack to get his work done.

A couple hours passed and Jack called Castiel and Gabriel out. It seemed like everything was working perfectly. Jack had asked Castiel to bring back the Winchesters. The three of them popped back into the bunker and Dean ran over to give Jack a hug.

"Thanks, kid. I knew she was happy here but I never thought she could ever be this happy. You did great." Dean said.

"It was the least I could do after I separated you both from her again. Also, after this ritual, you can come and meet her anytime you want." Jack said. Dean and Sam had the biggest smiles on their faces.

Dean and Castiel decided to go first. Dean wanted to make sure it would be alright before throwing Sammy in and Castiel wanted to give Gabe time in case he wanted an out. The two men lay on the floor hand in hand. They closed their eyes and Jack pulled their souls out of their bodies.

Jack pulled a small fraction of Dean's soul and spread the grace in the palm of his hand before rubbing it all over the soul like he was putting on sunscreen. It seemed to work as that portion of the soul glowed brighter. The light felt more pure, less hazy. Jack quickly poured the rest of the grace into the rest of the soul and reattached the other piece. Jack moved on to do the same to Castiel. He tested the waters with only his big toe and once he knew that the humanity was a good fit, he used the rest of it on Castiel as well.

He put the souls back in their respective bodies and got them to wake up.


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel, Dean and Jack felt exhausted after undergoing the ‘hybrid transformation’ as Dean called it. Jack knew that if he used up any more of his energy, he would not have enough power to keep the universe running. They came to the consensus that everyone would stay in heaven for the night and Sam and Gabriel would get their turn tomorrow. Jack headed to his room to lie down. He thought that sleep may help him restore his energy quicker. Dean and Castiel decided to have a beer before going to bed and went to the kitchen. This left Gabriel and Sam alone who decided to head down to the library.

"I definitely have at least one fond memory here." Gabriel said, pointing to the replica of the bookshelf where he and Rowena were almost caught making out. Sam scoffed in response.

"What? You can make out with someone and I can't? I was tortured for years. It's only natural that I wanted to have a bit of fun."

"I was making out with my girlfriend, not some random person I met an hour ago."

"Again, I had been captured and depleted of my grace. I was severely sex-depreived."

"Oh god."

"Don't pray to Jack right now. He needs to sleep." Gabriel reminded.

"He can hear that?"

"Oh yeah, totally. Most of the time he chooses to ignore it." Gabriel said. Sam turned bright red and made a mental note to NEVER say that again unless he was actually praying to Jack.

"Anyways, I thought you would like to know that your little witch friend is doing just fine. She is helping us start a reform program in hell."

"Us?" Sam asked.

"I asked Jack to put me in-charge of corresponding with hell. I see her almost every day. She told me to give you her regards if I ever stumble upon you again."

"You see her everyday?" Sam's voice was getting meeker. Gabriel nodded in response.

He could only imagine the activities they would be doing when left completely unsupervised. There was definitely a burning sensation in Sam's chest when he thought of their make-out session earlier but that just hurt him. It wasn't fair that Rowena got him. Sam was the one that took care of him when he came back. Sam helped heal his wounds, nurse him back to health and take care of him and Gabriel went off with Rowena? He should have been over this by now. It had been almost two years since Gabriel had died but Sam still felt the pain that jolted through him when Michael stabbed Gabriel. Sam mourned for him and his sacrifice. Yet it was Rowena that got Gabriel. She reaped the rewards without dealing with the heartache Sam went through. A long silence passed between them until Sam finally cleared his throat.

"You know you don't have to do this right? You have been an archangel your entire existence. This would be a huge demotion." Sam said.

"Sam, do you know what I saw in the Empty?" Gabriel asked. Sam shook his head. His muscles tightened at Gabriel's use of his real name. Sam knew that the Empty showed them their greatest regret but that was about it.

"I saw you every time I killed Dean. I felt your hatred for me, your repulsion. I told you once that running away was my biggest regret. Well, that changed the day I died because that is the day I didn't run for once in my eternal life. But the Empty found something worse for me. It found my worst flaw: selfishness and used it against me. Now I have a chance to fix that. You and I both know Dean would never have gone through with this if you didn't either. This is my chance to give back and so something for someone else. Also, let's not forget that I do get the perk of never having to go back there again. So my intentions might be a little selfish."

"But what about what Jack said with the soulmate?"

"Who said soulmates had to be romantic? Soulmates are just two souls that are entangled. They can be enemies, friends or lovers. Humans just like to romanticize everything." Gabriel said. "You can continue your vanilla relationships and I can continue my sex-capades."

This brought back the burning sensation in Sam's throat. He had almost forgotten about Eileen but was still distracted with the idea of Gabe's one night stand. Sam decided to talk to Castiel in the morning. He figured the angel would know a thing or two about dealing with jealousy when your partner is oblivious as can be.

* * *

In the kitchen, Castiel and Dean talked about everything and nothing.

"Are you really mad at me about having the talk with Jack?" Dean asked.

"I'm not mad. I just don't like that this is how Jack has to grow up. He was always given the short end of the stick. His father is Lucifer. His mother died when he was born. He had to be born as an adult to protect himself, I couldn't be there to watch out for him. Then he died, lost his soul, died again all before he turned three years old. Then he became God. That is not an easy burden to bear. I just wanted something to be normal for him. Some part of him to be child-like." Castiel replied.

"He is doing a great job. Yeah, he doesn't get a normal childhood and it's unfair that he literally has to deal with the weight of the universe but he can handle it. Don't make this about what you want for him. You are doing such a good job with the kid. He can ask you for help and support, that's a lot more than I could ask of my dad."

"He really is doing great. I am so proud of him. Thank you for taking care of him when I couldn't. It was you and Sam that helped him get through this."

"You know I hated him. You had just died and the only person I could blame was Jack. I made myself see him as this evil spawn of the devil and I just wanted him dead. But then he brought you back. I started seeing your kindness and goodness in him. I was so terrified when I saw him cough up the blood. The only time I felt fear like that is when Sam used to get sick while dad was on hunts. It was just when we had begun to bond."

"I can't say you hating him or wanting him dead was okay by any means but I do know that it pushed Jack to want to be better. Sam and I would have let him get away with almost anything but you made him want to do good and that isn't nothing."

Dean got up from his chair and pulled his angel into a kiss.

"I love you so much." Dean mumbled against Cas' lips.

"I love you too." Castiel responded automatically.

They headed to Dean's room in the remake bunker for some well deserved rest.


	10. Chapter 10

After a long and anxious night for Gabriel, everyone finally woke up. Jack had his powers restored, Dean and Castiel were much more energized and Sam seemed well rested too.   
"Gabriel, are you sure? I want to give you one last out." Sam asked, before they could begin.  
"Yes, it's no big." Gabriel shrugged.  
Sam turned to Jack. "You promise to bring Eileen back if anything happens to her before we find an archangel for her?" Sam had spent a lot of the night trying to think of a way to ensure his girlfriend would be safe. Mostly, he forced himself to think about Eileen in order to avoid thinking about a certain archangel.   
"You have my word." Jack said.  
"And his word is God." Gabriel joked. This earned a laugh from Castiel and Jack. Dean looked as confused as ever and Sam rolled his eyes.  
"Did you not pick up a Bible at any of the motels you went to?" Gabriel asked Dean.  
"I only read books with pictures of half naked girls in it." Dean said. It took him a moment to realize that his statement was blatantly disrespectful to his boyfriend. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that" He mumbled to Castiel.  
"It's alright. I know you were just joking." Castiel said kindly.  
"Okay, let's get this show on the road. I have a meeting with Rowena tonight." Gabriel said. He had noticed Sam's reaction to Rowena last night and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it. Sam made his bitch face.   
"You might want to cancel the meeting. I think you will need to rest after this." Castiel advised. Sam silently thanked Castiel and Cas turned to give him a strange look. Even after all these years, the brothers kept forgetting how prayers worked.   
"I'll see how I feel once this is over." Gabriel decided. Sam thought it was strange that Gabriel was taking his job so seriously. It was definitely sketchy.   
"Okay, are you two ready?" Jack asked.  
"Yes," Dean replied before either could change their minds.  
Jack performed the same ritual on the other pair, bonding them for eternity.   
The five of them chose to have lunch before parting ways.   
"Are wings always this itchy?" Dean asked in an irritated voice. The wings had appeared overnight. They matched Cas’ luscious black feathers.   
"No, yours just haven't been groomed yet." Castiel replied. He reached over and scratched Dean's new wings, instantly finding the perfect spot. Dean relaxed and leaned into the touch.   
"So, why can't we see your wings?" Sam asked Gabriel and Castiel.  
"Because you haven't learned to access the dimension they keep their wings in." Jack answered. "That is something you both should work on next. If you keep your wings in this plane of existence, people will see it."  
Sam nodded and went back to his lunch. They chatted for half an hour or so, Gabe however, remained unusually silent. Afterwards, Jack was too exhausted. Doing this ritual twice in 12 hours was too much for him. He decided to head to bed but he promised the boys to check in once he woke up in the evening.  
The new hybrids decided to leave for Earth. Jack waited a couple minutes to say goodbye.  
Dean scratched his wings and made a face.   
"I'll teach you how to groom your wings once we get back to Earth." Castiel said.  
Sam looked at Gabriel, hoping he would make the same offer.  
"And I will go find an orgy once we get back to Earth." Gabriel said.  
A hurt look passed Sam's eyes before he just made his bitch face.  
"Stop saying things like that in front of Jack!" Castiel scolded.  
Dean laughed and put his arm around the angry angel's waist.  
"Goodbye, everyone, see you soon." Jack waved. He gave everyone a hug before warily heading off to his room.   
Once they reached Earth, the four went their separate ways. Castiel had talked Gabe into canceling his meeting with Rowena so Gabriel was free for the day. He decided to take this opportunity to explore the world again. Sam was exhausted and headed to bed. Dean and Castiel decided to go to the newly named "Destiel cave" to help Dean groom his wings.


	11. Chapter 11

It took a lot longer than Dean expected to groom his wings. Dean wasn’t really getting the hang of the ‘other dimension concept’ but he finally learned how to tuck his wings away and bring them back out. Of course, he kept on getting distracted by his boyfriend to focus. Castiel set a rule that they would only kiss for 2 minutes and work on the wings for 15. By the end of it, they were making out for half an hour and spending 5 minutes on the wings. Dean didn't mind. He didn't have much to do anyway. Castiel decided that they would no longer spend day time on the wings. As soulmates, they could groom each other during the night. Dean found the process to be quite relaxing and he fell asleep as Castiel finished applying the last bit of wing oil on Dean's wing.

"Now that I have done your wings, can you help me with mine tonight? It would be good practice." Castiel said only to find his boyfriend softly snoring. Cas put a blanket around Dean and went out to the map table. He found Sam reading a book and drinking a beer. Cas sat down next to him and simply observed. Fifteen minutes passed and Sam still hadn't turned the page. His golden wings had materialized, they were going back and forth quickly, trying to match the pace of his thoughts.

"Sam, are you alright?" Castiel asked.

Sam practically leapt out of his seat in surprise.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"No, you are fine. Just deep in thought, I guess." Sam responded.

"I see, and are these thoughts about a certain angel you are bonded to?" Cas chose his words carefully knowing that Gabe would be able to tune in on this conversation if he heard certain words."

"Yes. I broke up with Eileen. I love her but I also have feelings for G..."

"Don't say his name!" Cas interjected. "You and Dean now have access to angel radio which means that if you say his name, he will be able to tune in on this conversation."

“Oops. You just saved my butt right there. I could never live it down if that’s how he finds out. I’m just glad that I have been referring to him as 'idiot' in my thoughts." Castiel chuckled.

"Anyways, I couldn't date her if I had feelings for someone else. She deserves the world and I can't cheat on her like that." Castiel just gave Sam a sad look. He knew that at this point, Sam just needed to vent.

A moment of silence passed over them until Sam broke it. "How did you do it? How did you see Dean with all those girls? Just thinking about him with Rowena makes me want to march down to hell, myself."

"Did Dean ever tell you how I died?" Castiel asked.

Sam shook his head. "He just said you died saving him and drank himself into oblivion."

A pang of pain passed Castiel's heart. Dean had never opened up about what had happened after Cas died and Cas didn't want to open old wounds. He trusted Dean to talk when he was ready. Castiel took a deep breath and tried to come back on track.

"When Jack died and went to heaven, the empty came to claim his soul since he was a being with grace. I made a deal with the empty in trade of Jack's soul. The empty was supposed to take me when I was at my happiest. When we were trapped with Billie I realized what makes me happy was loving Dean. Yes, I was over the moon when told me he loved me back but that was only because I was in love with him in the first place. When you love someone, you want to make THEM happy, you are willing to sacrifice your life for them. You aren't really looking for someone to do things for you. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in the being." Castiel said.

"Hey! That line was for me. Did you just confess your love to Sammy?" Dean joked as he entered the room, wings promptly tucked away. Castiel smiled and kissed him in response. Sam was just stunned by everything Cas has said. Dean threw a questioning look at Castiel upon seeing Sam so perplexed. Castiel silently communicated to Dean that he would fill him in during the night.

"So what you are saying is that I should just be happy with my feelings for him? I shouldn't expect him to return them?" Sam asked after a moment.

"What I'm saying is that when it comes to love, happiness and pain go hand in hand. Until the moment the empty took me, I had always chosen the pain. Seeing Dean hook up with others hurt, seeing him pick Lisa over me was painful," Dean's head snapped up at that moment. He took Castiel's hand, offering a silent apology. "But, loving him is what kept me happy and you have to use that to keep going until the 'idiot' gets his senses back. And Sam, don't forget I'm not the only angel who died for love." Sam nodded. He was in a daze when we walked out of the room. He needed to think and he needed some fresh air. Silence hung over the room as Sam left the bunker.

Suddenly, Dean gave Castiel's hand a squeeze.

"Hey, I don't know what that was about but I'm so sorry I made you feel so much pain. Everything with those other girls meant nothing. It was just a distraction so I didn't have to think about being a hunter or raising my brother by myself. And Lisa was my safe space. I loved her but you gotta know that you are it for me, Cas." Dean said.

"You have nothing to apologize for. We were not in a committed relationship so you didn't break any rules."

"No baby, I didn't but I still hurt you. Remember when I said that just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD. Well, that applies here. I shouldn't have done those things, especially in front of your face."

"Dean, it's alright. Pain is a part of love. I left you after confessing my feelings for you and I am sure that was not a pleasant experience for you either." Dean wasn't ready for this conversation yet so he just nodded.

"So, what's up with Sammy?" Dean asked, changing the topic.

"He has feelings for my brother." Castiel started to fill Dean in on everything he knew about Sabriel at the moment. The two of them decided that their first act as a semi-angel couple would be to play Cupid.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone so the first part of this chapter is fun and fluffy but this is where things take a turn in the story.  
> I want to give a content warning for past parental abuse. It starts at the end of this chapter and will continue though out the story.

Sam spent the rest of his evening trying to figure out what to do with his wings. Since wing grooming was an intimate activity, he was hesitant to ask Cas for help and just buried his head in books instead. He got through half of both wings but was struggling to reach the rest of them at this point. Jack had stopped by to make sure everything was going alright but left quickly. Dean and Cas started part 1 of their get sabriel together plan. Castiel suggested that Dean use angel radio to get Gabe back to the bunker. After much praying, Gabriel popped in with his shirt half buttoned and covered in lipstick stains.

"You have the worst timing" Gabe exclaimed.

"Gabriel. You can't run away from your responsibilities. You promised to bond to him and then you go flying off? He needs help adjusting to this as I'm sure you do too." Castiel said.

"What does he even need help with? I'm the one who needs to eat and sleep now."

"Dude, wings," Dean said, fluttering his for added measure. Gabriel turned a shade of deep red from both guilt and embarrassment. He had been so caught up in him turning partially human that he forgot his soulmate was going through a tough time too. Old habits die hard.

"He should really be asking his girlfriend for that." Gabe responded. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Well, he can't at the moment so go help him." Cas said. They nudged him towards the library where they found Sam scratching his wing against the edge of a bookshelf. His face was contorted, the annoyance evident.

"Need some help there?" Gabriel asked in an amused voice. Sam looked up to see Gabe against the doorway and Dean and Castiel suppressed a smile as they walked in. Sam straightened up immediately.

"Yeah, that would be great." Sam said, surprised Gabriel came back. He was sure he wouldn't be seeing the former archangel for a while. Gabriel and Sam took a seat at the table and Gabe started explaining the basic wing properties. Dean and Castiel supervised, making sure that this didn't end with the first ever hybrid death.

"Gabe, why are you back?" Sam interrupted suddenly.

"What?" Gabe asked.

"Why did you come back? You said you wanted to live your life and enjoy your sex-capades." Sam said, cringing at the last word. Gabe turned to Dean and Cas for help but Dean just shrugged and Castiel gave him a thumbs up. This got a laugh from Dean at his dorky little angel.

"A little angel told me you needed me." Gabriel said after a moment. Sam nodded slowly.

"Where is your girlfriend? Shouldn't she be helping you with this?" Gabe asked. It was Sam's turn to be confused now. He looked at Castiel and Dean and got the opposite reaction. Castiel shrugged and Dean gave a thumbs up before Cas burst out laughing. 'Those idiots planned that over angel radio.' Sam thought.

Sam finally made up his mind and opted for honesty. Sam finally understood what made Dean and Castiel express their feelings after so long. After losing someone you love so many times, you just can't afford to lose them again, especially not over unspoken words, over silence. Sam took a deep breath.

"We broke up. We still love each other, but more as friends. I fell in love with a jerk of an archangel a long time ago and still have unresolved feelings."

"YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH LUCIFER?" Gabriel exclaimed. Sam was taken by surprise as Dean collapsed on the floor laughing. Even Castiel was trying, and failing, to hold back a humorous smile.

"What? NO! What the fuck, Gabe? Why would I fall in love with Lucifer?" Sam yelled back. Dean just laughed louder. Sam let out a soft sigh.

"I'm in love with you, you idiot." Gabriel was shocked at the revelation. He leaned in to give Sam a chaste kiss.

"I love you too." He responded after pulling back.

"I thought you weren't a one man angel?" Sam said.

"I'm not. However, I am a one moose angel." Gabe responded. Sam blushed in response. They looked back to see Dean and Castiel still trying to compose themselves.

"Great, I suppose we should get somewhere more private." Gabriel said, leading Sam out of the room.

"You kids have fun. Make sure to use protection" Dean called, amused.

"Jerk," Sam yelled from the hallway.

"Bitch," Dean retorted, bursting into laughter.

"I can't believe we found bigger dumbasses than the two of us." Dean said in between fits of giggles.

"I know, is that what Sam had to witness for 12 years before we got together?"

"Worse, he had to witness my temper and denial as well." Dean responded sobering up from the laughter.

"Like the time you told me you slept with April. I barely spoke for a week. I seriously don't know how you did it Cas. Just seeing you kiss Meg and hearing about you and April lit a fire in my chest."

"Dean, we talked about this already."

"I know. I just want you to know that I love you and admire your patience with me so much."

"I love you too Dean, that's why I'm patient with you." Dean grabbed his angel's hand between both of his and squeezed it. It was a simple action but so much more than Castiel had ever expected from Dean. Dean buried his nose in Cas' hair and kissed his temple.

"Dean?" Castiel said.

"Yes, baby" Dean murmured, completely distracted.

"I know you are very protective of Sam and the way Gabriel popped in today may not be the best impression of him but my brother really does love him." 

"Let's go grab a beer and then we can talk." The couple settled into Dean's room cuddling.

"Cas, I know Gabe lashed out to get Sammy's attention. I know that because I have lashed out the same way. Sometimes I paraded those girls to get a reaction out of you. That's why I keep apologizing, because a part of me did it to hurt you. I know Gabe cares a lot about my brother but he is still immature like I was. Plus, I trust your judgement Cas. I also know you would do everything in your power to keep him from getting hurt. I'm just glad we won't have to face dad. He would not be thrilled at all." Dean said.

"Oh, Dean, that just reminded me of something. We need to talk."

"Breaking up with me already, angel? Dean grinned.

"This is serious. You won’t like it."

"Okay, what is it? You aren't leaving again are you?" Dean asked.

"No, I promise I am not leaving. However, as you know, I have healed every scar you have gotten on a hunt or by a supernatural being. There are scars I haven't healed because you have asked me not to. Even when I rebuilt your body, I knew you wanted to keep those scars. The first thing I rebuilt was your mind. I have witnessed every memory you have and I know didn't want me to heal your father's scars." Castiel felt Dean stiffen in his arms. He started running his fingers up and down Dean's arm, applying a bit of pressure to reassure him that Cas was still there.

"Cas, I love you but I don't want them healed now. Not yet." Dean tried to snuggle closer to Castiel and Castiel held on to him tighter as though his actions could keep Dean's mind from wandering into the past.

"Dean, I know that and I respect your wishes. That's not what I want to talk about." Castiel took a deep breath. "Sam saw them. After I healed you the last time, he asked me why I didn't heal your other scars as well."

"What did you say?" Dean's voice was deeper but it still cracked.

"I told him that he needs to ask you about those scars. I know you want to protect him but he deserves to know the truth." Castiel said.

"Cas, no. What does it matter now? He's dead and he is in hell. It's not like we will cross paths with him again. Sammy hated him his entire life but he finally made peace with everything. I don't want them to hate each other again."

"Sam will. Gabriel is working with Rowena in hell. After their history, I do not believe Sam would be okay with them being alone. He will insist on going to hell with Gabriel and it's only a matter of time until he gets curious to meet your father."

"So? It's not like dad will say anything." Throughout the conversation, the couple leaned in closer and closer. Dean was resting his head on Castiel's chest, holding his waist tightly. Castiel had one of his hands around Dean's back, absentmindedly tracing the scars from memory over the flannel. Cas had tears running down his face but was still able to keep a steady voice.

"In hell, he is doomed to relive those memories until he shows any amount of remorse." Castiel said.

"Which means that if Sammy goes down there..." Dean started.

"He will see those memories." Castiel completed. Dean shuddered.

"I don't know how to tell him, Cas. Hell, I don't even know what to tell him." Dean said in a broken voice.

Castiel leaned his neck away and put his hand on Dean's chin tugging his face upward to meet his eyes.

"Why don't you start by telling me? I might help you with your words." Castiel said.

"What am I supposed to say to you? You already know everything."

"You aren't telling me all this for my benefit, Dean. You are doing this for you. I'm here to listen. I'm here to help in whatever way you need." Castiel promised.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: parental abuse described in great detail.

Dean took his shirt off and distanced himself from Castiel. Dean felt chilly at the loss of contact but pulled through. He still held on to Cas' hand for comfort. The hunter pointed to a tiny scar on his left abdomen.   
"He did this a few weeks after mom died. He came home drunk. Sammy was crying and he was yelling, which didn't help the crying at all. It became a vicious circle and I was scared. I didn't know why mom wasn't with us, I didn't know what to do about dad and I sure as hell didn't know how to take care of a 6 month old baby. He was just yelling from the chair and I was trying to get Sammy to calm down. After who knows how long, he got up and marched towards the crib. I was in the crib as well because I couldn't exactly carry Sammy as a four year old. I just saw him loom over us and I yelled 'Stop'. That wasn't the right thing to say. He fished me out of the crib, got his belt and well, you know the rest." Dean said. His tone was surprisingly neutral, numb.  
His eyes, however, betrayed the pain of that memory. Both of them felt tears well up. Castiel reached out but stopped a centimeter away from the scar. He gave Dean an uncertain look. Dean nodded, giving Castiel all the permission he needed. Castiel let his fingertips barely brush against the scar, as if it was a fresh wound.   
"You were so brave, you took care of everyone after your mom died." Castiel said. His fingers wandered back to Dean's hand as he bent down to kiss the scar. Castiel let a bit of grace slip through, letting Dean feel all the love he had for the hunter. Dean felt tears roll down his face. He was taking in the stark contrast of the fear and pain he felt back then against the pure love and care he was given now. Castiel got back up and used his thumb to wipe the tear from Dean's face, while a couple fell from his own. Dean returned the favor by kissing Cas' tears away. They sat in silence as Dean recollected himself enough to tell the next story.  
He pointed to a long scar running across his upper back. Castiel reached out to trace it. Somehow, that made the story easier to tell. Dean was going to be able to associate better memories with his body and let the painful ones fade.   
"Sammy was 7 and he had a terrible fever. He had been throwing up all night and I was taking care of him. I managed to steal some medicine for him but it wasn't helping. When Sammy finally went to sleep for a couple of hours, he yelled at me. I had failed to take care of my little brother and that's why he had gotten so sick. It was my fault. He said a belt wasn't enough. He made me get a ruler from Sammy's backpack. It got so bad that I started screaming. That woke Sammy up. He made me put him back to sleep and when I came back, gave me round 2. A few days later, Sammy asked why his ruler was stained red. My dad looked at me and told him he had used it on one of the monsters." Dean only broke when he said the last sentence but Castiel had been crying silent tears throughout the entire story. Cas leaned back in and kissed Dean along the scar.   
"You have the most beautiful soul I have ever seen. You are no monster." Castiel said. Dean felt grace tingle his skin.   
“What about this one?” Castiel asked, pointing to a mark right below Dean’s shoulder blade.  
Dean took a shaky breath. “It was my 9th birthday. I was so excited, Sammy was too. He thought we were going to get cake. All of my classmates at the time got cakes for their birthdays. Dad forgot, as usual. He came home drunk and Sammy whined about not having cake. He blamed me for filling Sammy’s mind up with those ideas of fun. He asked me how I could even want to celebrate with my mom’s killer on the loose. Sammy couldn’t stop complaining and I had a bad feeling about him. When he went to the bathroom to get his belt, I told Sammy that we could play hide and seek and that he should hide first. He complained saying I always took too long to find him. I told him to do what I say because it was my birthday. Sammy hid in the closet. When dad couldn’t find him, he lashed out on me, like I had expected. It was so hard. I couldn’t even make a sound because Sammy would hear me. After it was over and he passed out on the chair, I found Sammy in the closet. He had no clue what was going on and he kept laughing because he thought we were playing a game. I tucked him in, he wished me one last time then I cried myself to sleep.”  
Cas did his kiss ritual, trying his best to erase his father’s touch from Dean’s memories.   
"Dean," Castiel said.   
"Hmmm?"   
"Can I ask why you want these scars to remain unhealed?"  
"Because, I am who I am because of them."  
"No Dean. You are who you are despite them. These marks did nothing but cause you pain. You aren't pain. You are love, and care and everything that is good. If you ask me, these are the only marks you should have." Castiel nuzzled against Dean's neck and gave him a kiss above his collar bone. He started biting and sucking until there was a red mark that would turn purple by tomorrow. Once Castiel was satisfied, he left a lingering kiss on the mark.   
"Holy shit, Cas. Where did you learn how to do that?" Dean asked, his eyes still closed, relishing the pleasure.   
"The pizza man." Castiel replied simply. Dean let out a laugh as his eyes met Castiel.  
"I love you." he said.   
"I love you too Dean, I love you and every scar on your body."   
They spent the rest of the night talking about Dean's past scars. Dean told Cas a story, Cas told Dean what an amazing person he was, always contradicting John's harsh words. Castiel kissed the scar, wiping away the painful memory and replacing it with pure love. In between all of this, they had time to steel some intimate moments.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam and Gabriel walked hand in hand into the kitchen to find Dean and Castiel dancing while cooking eggs. He pressed pause on the loud music and started singing "Dean and Cas sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then comes marriage, then come Destiel in a baby carriage."

"Aren't you a little too old to be acting like a first grader?" Dean asked while Cas and Gabe sent a confused look.

"So, what's for breakfast?" Sam asked.

"Eggs and some of that veggie bacon." Dean answered as Cas and Gabirel made their way over to the coffee. Cas silently told Gabe to look out for Sam after breakfast. Gabe nodded at the ominous message and asked if everything was alright. Cas just shook his head.

"Yeah right! I'm not falling for that again." they heard Sam say.

"No, no, I promise it's the real thing. I mean, the fake thing. Here just look at the packaging." Dean said, pulling it out of the fridge. Sam gave him a skeptical look and Dean just said, "Fake meat man!"

"Okay, who died. Or who is dying? There is no way you would buy this unless there was something wrong." Sam said. Dean's smile faltered for a moment.

"Nothing's wrong, Sammy. Everything's great. In fact, I found us a hunt." Dean said. Before Sam could respond, Jack appeared into the room with a heartbroken look on his face. He hugged Dean, trying his hardest not to cry into his shirt. Dean was taken aback, but gladly returned the hug. The room fell silent as the four adults gathered around to figure why God was on the verge of tears.

"What's wrong kid?" Dean asked, still running his hands up and down his son's back in an attempt to comfort him.  
Jack pulled back. "Nothing's wrong. I just... You know how I am everywhere and nowhere?" Jack asked, unsure of how to approach the delicate topic.

"Yes?" Sam, Dean and Gabriel answered.

"You heard our conversation last night." Castiel stated. There was no accusation in his voice. Jack nodded slightly as Dean turned off the stove. The couple let out a shaky breath. Dean hugged Jack again.

“It’s okay, kid. I’m alright.” he reassured his son. Jack nodded into Dean’s chest.

'Guess it's now or never' Cas said via angel radio.

'Is it too late to pick never?" Dean asked.

Castiel sent him a somber smile in response.

"Can someone explain what the hell is going on?" Gabriel interrupted the silent communication.

"Let's all take a seat." Dean said. Sam and Gabe took their seats on the dining table and Dean and Cas sat across from them. Jack took his time, grabbing some coffee and sitting down next to Dean. The archangels reached over to hold the hands of their human halves.

"Okay, Dean, Jack, Cas. Spill. Why are you behaving like this?" Sam said. Jack and Castiel stayed silent, offering silent support to Dean.  
"Are you planning on going to hell with Gabe to meet Rowena?" Dean said.

"Oh, absolutely. I do not trust them to be alone together, yet. Plus, it would be nice to see Rowena again."

"You planning on catching up with anyone else there?"

"Who do you want to talk to that's in hell?" Gabe interrupted.

"Dad," Sam said, an eerie understanding dawning on him. Gabriel squeezed Sam's hand tighter under the breakfast table.

"I haven't really thought about it but eventually, yeah. I would probably go visit him. See how his reform is going." Sam responded.

"Sam, in order for a soul to attend the reform program, they have to feel remorse. Your dad is reliving his worst actions but he hasn't felt guilt or regret. He only feels bad for what happened to him. Not the pain he inflicted onto... other people." Castiel explained. He looked up at Dean who was trying to maintain a neutral face for his brother.

"What pain? What did he do? I know he was a shitty person but he didn't hurt anyone. Right?" Sam looked between Jack and Cas for confirmation. Dean looked down, unable to meet his brother's eyes.

"Sammy," Dean said, his voice breaking. Sam looked at Dean who took a deep breath and lifted his head. "Do you remember that ruler you had when you were a kid? The one that was covered in blood and broken by the time you got to middle school?"

"Yeah, Dad said he has to use it on monsters. I still can't figure out what monster can be defeated with a ruler." Sam responded, still confused. Realization dawned on Gabe and he held onto Sam's hand a bit tighter. His expression betrayed sympathy for the older Wincherster. 

"It was me. I was the monster." Dean said.

"Dean!" Castiel said sternly, rebuking him for his choice of words.

"You are not a monster." Jack said.

They could all see the wheels turning in Sam's mind and Gabe prepared for hell to break loose.

"No." Was all Sam could manage.

"I'm sorry, Sammy." Dean said, his tears returned.

"Dean you have nothing to apologize for. It's that jackass that needs to beg for forgiveness." Gabriel finally spoke up. He knew Sam was in no position to console Dean but he also knew that Sam would regret not being there to support his brother. Dean nodded and silence passed over them as Sam took his time to process the information.

"When did it start?" Sam asked, his voice small.

"Oh, come in Sammy, does it really matter?"

"WHEN DID IT START?" Sam yelled, causing everyone in the room to flinch. Gabriel and Castiel silently communicated to Sam to calm down a bit. He had every right to be angry, but he shouldn't take it out on Dean. That's exactly what John had been doing this entire time. Sam took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I can't even imagine the memories that must have brought. But Dean, I'm your brother. I need to know."

"3 days after mom died." Dean said, not meeting his brother's eyes. He held onto Cas' hand tighter, still not meeting anyone's gaze and Cas instinctively wrapped his other arm round Dean's shoulder, silently encouraging him to continue the difficult conversation.

"When was the last time?" Sam asked. This time his voice was stern. He felt guilty for yelling last time but he needed answers.

"Right before he left on that hunt which got me to track you down at Stanford." Dean's voice got smaller.

"How did I not know? How could you not tell me? I could have done something. I could have helped. I wouldn't have left you alone for 4 years." Gabriel stood behind Sam, rubbing his hand on his back in an attempt to sooth Sam.

"You didn't know because I didn't want you to know. It's that simple. I wanted you to escape. I had known your plan for weeks and let you go. You think 2 hunters wouldn't notice a 19 year old sneaking out. The one thing that horrified me besides the risk of losing you on a hunt was you finding out about dad or worse, him hitting you. I let you go because you would be safer that way. Not from the monsters but from our dad."

"Dean, what are you talking about?" Sam asked.

"I mixed a sleeping pill in his whiskey the night you snuck out." Sam was finally at a loss of words. He grabbed his coat and wallet and walked out.

"Sammy where the hell are you going?" Dean called out.

"To take a shit on his grave" Sam called.

"Sammy come back! We burned his bones for Jack's sake."

Castiel communicated to Gabe and Jack to follow Sam. The two of them were gone in a blink of an eye. This left Dean and Cas alone. Castiel knew what was coming as he led Dean to his room. As soon as Castiel settled next to Dean in the bed, Dean broke into sobs.

Dean was having a panic attack. He was shaking and gasping for air while the tears wouldn't stop running down his face. All he could hear was every insult his father threw at him. Dean felt like he was taking every beating all over again, simultaneously. Castiel held on tightly trying to sooth Dean.

"Dean. Dean. Can you hear my voice?" Castiel asked with concern. Dean nodded slightly in response.

"Great. I need you to focus on my voice. Can you do that for me?" Castiel asked again. Dean was more hesitant but nodded again.

"Dean, I know exactly what is going through your head right now. But I need you to focus on me. Dean, you are doing so well. I know you can get through this Dean." Castiel knew that trying to contradict Dean's thoughts wouldn't help. It would just make Dean more exhausted. Instead, he focused on comfort. He also kept on repeating Dean's name to get his attention in case it was slipping.

"Dean, I love you so much. I'm here for you, Dean. Whatever you need, okay?" Dean's sobs slowed down as he nodded, clutching Castiel tighter.

"It's okay, Dean. It's just a bad memory. I'm real, Dean. This is real. Come back to me." Dean took a deep breath.

"Thank you." he croaked before falling asleep in Castiel's arm.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the dumb dirty dancing joke. I thought of it months ago and finally found a spot for it. :)

Dean stayed asleep for a couple hours, moving closer and closer to Castiel. Castiel just hold him while crying silently at the horrendous memories he saw when he put Dean back together.

"Cas," Dean said in a hoarse voice.

"Yes, Dean."

"Baby, I need you."

"Dean, I'm right here." Castiel held on to Dean tighter and marveled at his display of vulnerability.

Dean got up and straighten himself before he sat down again and buried his face in Castiel's chest. Even though he just woke up, he felt exhausted. His eyelids felt heavy, his hands were sore from being clenched so hard and he felt his heart ache.

"Come on, Dean let's get you in the shower. You will feel more refreshed and then we can finish the breakfast." Castiel said.

"Will you be joining me?" Dean teased.

"No, I will not but it's good to see your sense of humor is back. I'm going to go make sure Sam is alright."

"He hates me, doesn't he?" Dean asked.

"No, he doesn't. He can't hate you because you protected him. He is just angry and you were the only one he could take it out on."

Dean sighed and willed himself to believe Castiel's words.

"Promise me you'll be back by the time I come out?" Dean asked.

"I promise. Now go." Dean got up and went to the bathroom. Meanwhile Castiel used angel radio to track Sam down. Gabriel informed him that Sam drove for an hour and a half and stopped in the middle of nowhere. He quickly flew there and caught up with them. He found Sam just standing there in silence. By the sweat dripping down his forehead, Castiel could tell that Sam had taken out his feelings in some form of aggression. Castiel approached him cautiously after receiving a nod from Jack and Gabriel.

"How are you doing?" Castiel asked.

"How's Dean?" Sam asked at the same time. Castiel waited for Sam to reply.

"I'm just angry and disappointed in myself. I should have known. I should have protected him." Sam said after a moment.

"You couldn't have protected him. You were 6 months old when it all started." Castiel reasoned.

"I just. I feel guilty. He never would have had to go through any of that if it wasn't for me. Now that I think about it, he always got hurt protecting me. I remember now. He would always make me play hide and seek. He wouldn’t find me for at least half an hour and he would be so sore when he did. I could practically see him limping. I still didn’t figure it out. How did I not figure it out, Cas?" Sam’s voice broke at the last question. Cas went over to give his friend a comforting hug. 

"If you weren't there, nothing would have kept Dean going all these years. Your existence gave him a purpose. You didn’t find out because he didn’t want you to. That’s not on you. Sam, he needs you right now. Please talk to him."

"Yeah," Sam said, nodding slightly.

"Hey Jack, can you please bring the car back?" Sam asked.

"Sure."

"I'll go with him. Give the three of you some time." Gabriel said.

"Oh, and don't scratch the car. Dean will kill you, God or not," Sam said, in a serious tone. Sam and Castiel flew off leaving Gabriel and Jack to bring Baby back.

Sam and Cas reached a few minutes early so they decided to finish preparing breakfast. Dean walked into the kitchen and froze. Sam had fresh tears in his eyes as he went over to hug Dean. Dean patted him on the back.

"I don't know what I did to have you as a brother but thank you for protecting me." Sam said, pulling back.

"It was my job to look after you."

"No, it wasn't, Dean. That was dad's job, to look out for both of us. We should have been fighting over the last cookie. You shouldn't have been skipping dinner so I could eat."

"Well, we can fight over breakfast now. And what did I tell you about chick flick moments? It's bad enough I have them with my boyfriend now." Dean said marching over to the breakfast table.

The three of them sat down to have their brunch. Castiel even whipped up mimosas because he had seen girls drink it for brunch when he was Steve. Dean laughed as he took a sip.

"Man, you are so whipped." Sam said. "You wouldn't have been caught dead with a mimosa three months ago."

"What can I say? I love my angel." Dean laughed.

"So," Sam started. "I was thinking what if Gabe and I take this new case? I can teach him how to hunt and the four of us can have a chance to get used to our new relationships. I haven't talked to Gabe yet but I doubt he will say no." Sam wasn’t ready to confront the reality of his past yet. He could barely face Dean and thought that a couple days away might give him the chance to clear his mind. 

"Are you sure you don't want me or Cas as back up? Gabe's never hunted before. What if either of you get hurt?" Dean hesitated.

"Then we heal ourselves. Isn't that the whole point of this hybrid thing anyway? And the dude’s killed you more times than anyone else," Sam joked. 

"Fair enough. In that case, I'll text you the details. And Cas, I know our first activity for the weekend." Castiel threw his trademarked confused head tilt.

"I'm still here, Dean." Sam said.

"What? No. Not that. I need his help getting rid of these scars." Castiel's eyes lit up as Sam's went into shock.

"Wait, really?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." Dean replied.

"What made you change your mind?" Castiel asked.

"Well, I had a certain angel remind me that 'I am who I am despite these scars, not because of them'. Yeah, he also showed me what type of scars I should have so I just wanted to make more room for them." Dean said, pulling the top of his shirt down to reveal the love bite he received last night.

Castiel turned a deep shade of read while Sam looked away from second hand embarrassment. The original team free will finish their brunch in silence. Sam went to research the case while Dean and Castiel did the dishes.

By the time they were done, Gabriel and Jack arrived. It took them longer than anticipated because Jack wasn't an angry hunter who drove 30 miles above the speed limit. Gabriel and Jack had bonded pretty well and he easily became Jack's fun uncle. That wasn't too difficult as Gabe was Jack's only uncle who didn't want him killed or captured. Jack felt like a kid again. Every time he visited the bunker, he could sort of let go of his new responsibilities. Here, he wasn't leading angels or fixing the universe, he was drinking beers with his dads and driving a hot car with his uncle. He was something he could never be: a human, a child. Castiel seemed to have picked up on Jack's more relaxed attitude and insisted that he stay overnight. Sam and Dean surely didn't have a problem with that. Dean did throw a fit when he found that Jack parked Baby in the last parking spot near the curb because "no one puts Baby in the corner." 

Gabriel and Sam chatted about the case. They decided to leave the next morning. This would give Sam a chance to do research and Gabe a chance to finally have his meeting with Rowena. Sam decided to sit this meeting out because of the emotionally exhausting day he had. Besides, the last place he should be was in the vicinity of his father. Not for Sam's sake, for John's. Dean had a pretty good idea of what Sam would do the next time he saw John and he wasn't particularly excited about it.


	16. Chapter 16

Jack decided to take this time to look into the possible angels to bond with hunters. Even though they had broken up, Eileen's safety was still a priority for Sam. Jack also wanted to ensure that his sister and her family would be safe too so he looked for options for Claire, Jody, Donna and the other girls. Castiel made Dean go to bed early since he had a rough day and got to work with Jack. Somehow, he managed to keep Dean away from alcohol too.

"Well, it was much easier on you and Dean and Sam and Gabriel since you all knew each other and shared a bond.

Sam was in the library trying to read up on a case but was losing focus. For Dean's sake, he pretended that everything was back to normal. Unfortunately, Dean had noticed that Sam's smiles had been more strained than usual and his bitch face had a twinge of sympathy to it. They had not talked about it in private yet since both the brothers wanted to take their time before approaching this topic.

Gabriel popped back into the library just in time for Sam to shut his laptop. He let out a frustrated sigh as his head collapsed into his palms resting on the table. Gabriel came up behind Sam and gently started rubbing his shoulders.

"You want to talk about it? Like an actual conversation, not yelling and destroying objects." Gabe said.

Sam lifted his head up and gestured for Gabe to take a seat next to him.

“Sorry. I… Those memories just kept rushing back to me during the drive and I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like such an idiot.” Sam explained. Gabe nodded and waited for his boyfriend to continue.

"I don't understand why Dean defends him. How could he not hate him for this? I hate him."

"Because you weren't raised by him. Dean was. At the end of the day, people can't help but defend people who raise them, even if they are toxic."  
"I wouldn't do that."

"Really? Dean spent his life being repressed and over compensating for his sexuality. It took him losing Cassie permanently to deal with feelings he has had for over 12 years and he was okay with letting Jack die." Gabe said.

"Dean was raised in a homophobic environment so he constantly felt the need to prove himself. It took us just as long to get together and he is the one that missed Jack the most after he left. He could even be in the room when Jack died the first time." Sam replied.

Gabe gave an ‘I-told-you-so’ look. "See what I mean? You can't help but defend the person who raised you. It takes a lot to admit they were wrong. Especially if they have wronged you. I am in no way comparing what Dean did with what John did but you have to understand this from Dean's point of view. It is so much easier to believe that you deserve punishment when you are constantly being punished than to believe that God is cruel enough to punish you for no reason. He convinced himself that he was wrong because that was easier on him. As far as Dean not telling you anything, he did that to protect you. I would be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same thing for Cassie."

"I hated him, our dad, I mean. I hated him for what he did to me. What he did to Dean was way worse. And protect me? We fucking hunt monsters for a living. Why would Dean need to protect me from Dad who was nothing but a fucked up human?"

"So you wouldn't flinch when someone yells. So you would have the spirit to fight back and escape. So you wouldn't see yourself as 'daddy's blunt little instrument'. What Dean did was keep you from turning into him."

"He is not 'daddy's blunt little instrument'. Dad always hunted for revenge. Dean hunts to save lives. To make sure no one has to go into this life like how we did." Sam said.

"I know that, babe. Cas knows that too. Everyone knows that but Dean."

"Will he ever get over this?"

"He will. Give it time. Emotional scars run deep."

"It's been 38 years."

"Yeah, 38 years where he never tried to heal the wound. It's only gotten worse since then. He will need to spend his energy trying to heal them rather than ignore them. I don’t think I need to explain to you what happens if you neglect to take care of a wound."

"What do I do?"

"You stay here. For Dean. This isn't about your personal vendetta against your father. This is about helping your brother. So you stay here and ask what he needs. You help patch the wounds and replace the dressing. You comfort him like a little brother would. Don't forget was Cassie said. You are the reason he kept surviving. You pushed him to live. Keep doing that. And I am here for you. Whatever you need."

"Thanks, Gabe. I'm sorry to put this on you right after we got together."

"Don't worry about it. I know a thing or two about dick fathers and dysfunctional families." Gabe laughed, lightening the atmosphere. Silence passed over them and Sam didn't get any less tense.

"Come on, let's go." Gabriel sighed.

"Where? It's 1:00 in the morning?"

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but I know something that will help. Just remember, it's not therapist endorsed." Gabe took Sam's hand and flew out of the room.

* * *

By the time Cas got back to their room, Dean was all snuggled up in his angel's trench coat. His face wasn't as peaceful as Cas remembered. Dean's eyebrows were scrunched up, his worry lines showing. Castiel gently tugged his coat out his hands and Dean let out a soft whimper. Cas settled next to Dean and Dean automatically reached out for Cas' arm. Dean clutched onto his arm like a child holding a teddy bear. Cas let his free hand find its way into Dean's hair.

"Sleep tight, you have a big day tomorrow. Just know that I am proud of you. I love you, Dean." Cas whispered before placing a soft kiss on his forehead. Dean seemed to relax more and more with touch as his pursed lips turned into a gentle smile.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam and Gabriel reached the gates to hell, which Rowena had redecorated with flames and purple flowers. It almost looked friendly. The guards let them step through since they were used to seeing Gabe come and go. Gabe led them to Rowena's office while Sam kept on begging him to explain what was going on. Once inside, Gabe told Sam to shut up for once and asked the receptionist for an urgent meeting with Rowena. They took a seat and within a few minutes, Rowena's secretary called them inside.

"Ah, Gabriel back so soon?" Rowena asked. She suddenly noticed Sam and greeted him with a hug. "Oh, hello Samuel, I expected you to be visiting me soon."

"Hi Rowena." Sam responded awkwardly.

"Hey Rowena, we aren't here on business. We wanted a personal favor." Gabe said.

"Of course, take a seat first." Rowena offered.

The three of them seated and Sam took in the environment. It looked like a typical office, except it was darker, more witchy and in the center of hell.

"How can I help you?" The queen asked.

"So I want Sam to go see John Winchester." Gabriel proclaimed with the authority of the archangel he is. Sam whipped his head to face Gabriel with a shocked expression.

"Are you sure? I don't think that's a good idea. You saw his personal hell today, why would you want sweet little Samuel to see any of that?" Rowena asked.

"Rowena, you know from experience that he is neither sweet nor little any more. I mean he killed you for Jack's sake. I am sure. I know he needs this."

"Alrighty then. Who am I to object? Gabriel, you know the way. Take Samuel to him."

"Thanks Rowena. Oh, and can Sammoose give John the special treatment he got from me this evening?"

"I cannot condone violence in this kingdom anymore. But, as queen, I do have many things to take care of and a couple may slip past my notice. So as they say, give him hell." Rowena gave a sly smile. Sam was baffled by the exchange and didn't realize when Gabriel had dragged him out of this room and outside his father's personal hell.

"Sam?" Gabe shook him gently.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat.

"Your dad is in there."

"Yeah," Sam said again. He reached his hand out and put it on the gold door knob.

"Sam. Are you sure you can do this? Do you really think you can handle what you'll see in there?" Gabe asked, doubting his plan.

"I need to do this." Sam's voice was void of emotion. He turned the door knob and stepped inside. Gabriel followed him, giving Sam space yet staying close enough to catch him when he needed it.

"You did this! You made him run away." John yelled. There was a note on the motel room night table which Sam recognized instantly. It was the goodbye note he had left Dean when he left for Stanford. Dean flinched as he heard heavy footsteps approach him. He took a shaky breath preparing for what was to come. This time the loud slap was replaced by a thud as Sam tackled John to the ground.

"No! You did this. You are the reason I ran away. Dean is the reason I stayed for as long as I did." He started punching a defenseless John. "You were supposed to take care of us. You left. Leaving Dean and me all alone. Dean wasn't supposed to replace mom. Dean needed you and you weren't there. You were hunting. You left him. I had him but he had no one. YOU are the reason Dean is so broken. YOU are the reason Dean wanted to kill himself as many times as he did. This is only on you. You left a 4 year old boy wondering what he did wrong to get his mom taken away and his father to leave only to come home to hit him." Sam yelled, still continuing to punch with every sentence. He kept hitting John for a couple more minutes until Gabe noticed him starting to get tired. Gabe got Sam off John and they both noticed that John hadn't even gotten a bruise. Gabe pulled Sam towards the door as he saw John stand up to resume his position.

"No! Dean! I have to stop him before Dean gets hurt." Sam yelled, trying to break out of Gabriel's grasp. Gabe managed to pull Sam out. He shut the door behind them just in time for Sam to hear the loud slap.

"Gabe! Let me go," Sam begged with tears streaming down his face. Gabe flew them back to Sam's room in the bunker.

"Sam! It's alright. That wasn't Dean. That was just a bad memory." Gabriel explained as he put Sam into bed.

"Are you sure? It looked like my brother."

"I'm sure. It's not real. Dean never left the bunker tonight." Gabe reasoned.

"You're right he should be here. I am going to find him." Sam got off the bed and started walking towards the door.

"No, Sam. Let him sleep." But Sam was already in the hallway. Gabe used angel radio to warn Cas that Sam was on his way to see Dean. He, then, adjusted himself onto the bed.

Castiel opened the door as Sam raised his knuckles to knock.

"Are you alright, Sam? You look distressed." Cas asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just being stupid and paranoid. I should go." Sam said, regretting going there.

"He needs you just as much as you need him." Cas said, opening the door wider and letting Sam step in. Sam let go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he stepped inside. He walked around to see Dean sleeping peacefully and smiled. Once Sam got confirmation that there was no handprint on his brother's face, he thanked Castiel and made his way back to Gabriel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not condone violence and what Sam did is not a healthy way to deal with these emotions but John Winchester is a piece of shit


End file.
